Just breathe

I woke early to go for a run before the city was awake. Once outside I pulled my knit hat down over my ears and felt grateful for the chill in the air, for the slow arrival of the sun. By day, Florence was a petulant child tugging at your thoughts and begging for attention, insisting you notice its beauty and romance at every turn—the city’s splendor magnified by a steady thrum of tourists and the bold Mediterranean sun. There were no dark corners for your heart to ache, no quiet place for your mind to settle, uninterrupted, in sorrow. But in the early morning before it was light, when the wind whipped at my cheeks and the sidewalks were vacant, Florence’s ebullience was muted, and I could breathe.

—The Florence Project, a memoir

We all need a time and a place to breathe, a time and a place for our minds to settle, uninterrupted, in sorrow. Especially now. But then we must search for the light, find comfort in the sun’s warmth. Every day, again.

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I’m finding solace in books these days, making an effort to put down my phone (but it’s hard. I scroll, I spiral).

(Am) Reading. I’m still reading A Season for That by Steve Hoffman. The book’s subtitle is Lost and Found in the Other Southern France, and frankly being lost in southern France is the perfect respite for my brain right now. I’m also ready Yellow Face by R.F. Kuang, a book I heard about when it was published in 2023. Yellowface grapples with questions of diversity, racism, and cultural appropriation, as well as the terrifying alienation of social media. Feels very relevant now.

(On) Research. We published the pilot study from our heat therapy trial and that fact is something I continue to marvel over. I am so proud of this accomplishment. It took so long to get here and we started with the most improbable, long-shot idea of a dream. We wrote a review article years ago, just as we had the beginnings of this plan to examine the benefits of heat therapy on brain health. Five years ago! Now that idea, that hypothesis, has been realized. Science takes an incredibly long time. It can feel hopeless at times. And sometimes you accomplish exactly the thing you set out to do.

(Still) Revising and Querying. The writing has been slow. I have to admit that despite all my best intentions, despite my established habits and routines that protect this writing dream…my thoughts are muddled. These are scary times for academia, for biomedical research. In the last few weeks we’ve watched as websites are taken down, meetings cancelled, grant funding put on hold (not my own, not yet), all amid an overbearing weight of uncertainty. Writing has always been my escape, my retreat from reality in many ways, but I’m finding it hard to stay focused. The query total is now at 15 sent; 4 rejections, 11 no responses. I know every query gets me one step closer to realizing my goal and I need to get back at it.

I’d love to know how you’re pushing through hard times right now, where you are finding motivation and inspiration. Please share your thoughts.

And if you need an escape this weekend, I recommend watching this: